I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
