Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
