I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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