In the future we'll all be gay
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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