Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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