i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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