his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
