im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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