She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
