I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
