I wish my penis had an off switch
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
