ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Randomize
