just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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