dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
