Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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