This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
