i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
