How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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