So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
