I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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