Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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