in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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