I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
