she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't like sucking hair
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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