Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
