I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
