So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
