Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
