Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
