He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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