thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
