john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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