I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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