So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
