the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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