so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
