fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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