he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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