So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
