We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
