Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
