It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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