I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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