i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The air was thick with penises
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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