also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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