We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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