just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
