So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
