I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
