So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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