i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
