Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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