the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's just like the Real World with babies
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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