Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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