He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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