the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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