I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
