My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
