Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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