You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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