I think i peed on brittanys purse
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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