I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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