I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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