So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
