I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
