Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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