I am in a vortex of obligation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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