just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
