Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
