i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
