I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
