i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
