Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
