is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
